Publicity/Duplicity

We took the girls to Chili's tonight for date night (we're getting better at squeezing in a dinner out in between feedings and navigating babies in a booth). As the host walked us to our table we glanced at the table next to us where a man and woman were sitting with two high chairs, two little girls. The woman and I made eye contact.

"Twins?" she asked me.

"Yes. Yours?" I questioned.

"Uh huh," she said.

And we both smiled at each other. Because we KNEW. Not everyone knows, but twin moms know. And it becomes an instant bond. We exchanged names and ages of our girls and then left each other to enjoy the meal, sneaking occasional glances to the other table observing the familiarity of what our families of four look like.

I have been so grateful to have other twin moms in my life to lean on and ask questions to. My longtime pseudo-sister Jessie was invaluable while I was pregnant. Her boys were born six months before mine, so not only did she have twins, but she had recently been through every phase I was just entering and had fresh memories of what I needed to expect. She did so much to calm my heart and give me hope that I could handle what was coming--and not just handle but actually enjoy. I love Jess's positive views on parenting and how optimistically she chooses to live her life.

I've recently gotten in touch with a friend from high school and his wife, Tisha, who's twin boys are three now. They have perspective that comes with time and are able to help me see more of the big picture. They've given good advice on traveling when your kids are a certain age and how to work around milestones that are coming up. They say that it only gets better and at three years old their boys are best friends.

My sister pointed me (via blogs) to her friend, Brittany, who's pregnant with twins and it's been fun to get to know her. She's having girls later this year. I've enjoyed having a place to share the little bit of wisdom I've gained so far (double stroller? totally worth it. two cribs? you don't need them for a while--maybe ever? we'll see) and remember some of the thoughts and feelings I had while I was pregnant.


I was at the store yesterday and recognized the usual signs of strangers noticing our two car seats. The double take. The smiles. The inching closer to get a better look. (I love Hispanic people because they think if they talk in Spanish I won't notice they're talking about me... sorry "dos bebes" isn't very lost in translation). Not being one who actively seeks the spotlight, it's been a stretch of my character to always be  "on stage" and ready to smile and humor whoever wants to talk to us...in the line, on the elevator, in the waiting room, at the car... one trip can include ten of the same conversations (who knew people care so much about twins?). I like people. Most of the time it's not so bad to answer their questions (yes, they're twins. five months old. both girls. we don't know if they're identical. I'm sorry you always wanted twins and never got them. thank you, we think they're cute too) and let them peek at the girls (strangers, it's NEVER okay to reach in and touch them. I don't know you. I don't know where your hands have been. What would you think if I suddenly reached up and petted your face? They're babies but they're still people).

So I was prepared when the two ladies at the store yesterday were peeking around the aisle trying to see the girls' faces. Then one of them spoke.

"They're so cute and I'm so sorry."

For some reason it really bothered me and irked my spunk and I was quick to reply, "Don't be. We love having two!"

Sure, the innocent shopping lady was probably just trying to be nice and probably just trying to make conversation. But I resent the fact that she feels the need to apologize that my life is so miserable because I got blessed with two babies. I WANTED children. I WANTED to be a mother. I didn't choose to have two at once, but I'm so happy that I did. It's work, but it's wonderful.

Which is what that woman at Chili's knew. What Jessie knew. What Tisha knows. What Brittany will know. And what I am learning more and more every day that I get to take care of my sweet daughters.